Peter's last days he slept nearly all of it, on Sunday the 13th Caitlins mum Kerry came over with valentine cards from Caitlin! Peter loved the fun in his bedroom that night I swear he had that planned for yet another memory. We put his cards up on his table, there were 3 different cards all from "Miss Caitlin" :) I think Peter just loved himself that night...it was a room full of smiles, thats the last picture we have of Peter smiling or laughing I should say. The next morning (Monday) there was a marked difference in Peter he lay in my arms with very little movement, we had to suction him so much to make him comfy and relaxed. My little boy was drowning in front of our eyes! I knew he wasn't going to stay much longer but I refused to let my heart believe it. I held him so close to me with heartache, its a feeling no parent should be allowed to feel, when your beautiful little child is about to die in your arms. As a parent you are suppose to protect your children, there is no greater feeling of failure when you cannot save your own child! There were people coming in and out talking and I was aware things needed to be sorted. I had already spent time with different people talking about prayers, songs and such for a funeral but in my heart never to be Peters! Our Keyworker from the hospice spent a night and made me go into my own bed for 2 hours but I couldnt sleep...I was so worried for Peter, was he afraid or sore? Did he know we were all still with him? Monday ran into Tuesday with no start or end to either. It then became Wednesday and I was unaware it even was! Peter was weaker although my mind knew this, again I blocked my heart from hearing the truth. We cuddled when his nurse didn't have to work with him. Near the end I decided I didn't want everyone watching him having to be suctioned. I wanted to keep him wee Peter! I know others were aware it was very close but I just tried to be his mummy not a nurse, not a doctor just wee Peter's Mummy! We loved and cuddled our wee man until his last breath. An experience I cannot go into detail about to speak or write about even yet....we opened his bedroom window to let the angels come in! and his little heart stopped beating under my right hand. What I wouldn't give To have you in my arms again, Breathe your scent And snuggle close to you. I want to watch you sleep, See your chest rise and fall In peaceful slumber. Let me lay my hand Over your heart, So I can Feel it beating Beneath my touch. I want to be Lulled to sleep By its rhythm once again. When your child dies...so do you.